My Apologies.

Up until recently, my blog displayed advertisements which I would gain profit off of for advertising them. I was on a website today and I found myself bombarded with brainwashing advertisements and people trying to sell me things. Everywhere you go, everywhere you look, someone is trying to sell you something. It’s sickening. I have turned off the ads that use to mar the beauty of my blog. I need to be the change I want to see and that means not having advertising on my page just to make money. I don’t want to sell anyone anything with this blog. I only want to share a bit of my mind with the world, or whoever would like to listen. 

Freeyourmind

Freedom really is a state of mind. So long as you inhabit this human body, you cannot be free. You will always be burdened with necessities and you must take action to fulfill them. If you can find internal freedom, and maintain a free state of mind, that is what will separate you from the rest. Freedom is the difference between having to do something and feeling as though it is a burden, and doing something because you know it's what needs to be done, but not minding doing it at all.

An excerpt from one of my stories...

“Hi, I'm Jerry. Can I buy you a drink?” His lips were dry, as though he hadn’t had anything to drink for ages. He was nervously trying to conceal his wedding ring.

My lure wasn’t activated so I did not understand why the hunger smelled so strong.? I looked around the room. Everything seemed normal. Why would this married man be picking up girls?

“What would your wife say if she knew you were trying to buy me a drink?”

He laughed anxiously. A fly circled his face; he swat it away with a nearby newspaper. He replied with a devilish grin. “Well I'm not sure, but what she don’t know won't hurt her.”

I had to stifle a laugh. I have witnessed humans, how they live, what they live for, and I still cannot seem to answer the one question I have been asking my whole life. What is it to be human? It is not difficult to see what separates man from any other living thing on this earth. But does that which separates man from the others make him any better? I have never been human, nor will I ever be. I was made. Created for an evil purpose which I’d rather forget, but when you have lived as long as I, you begin to realize that you can never truly forget the past. You come to understand that time is not your friend. Time can never erase what was, it can only distance you from it. I suppose any mortal would not hate time as much as I. With time comes understanding, and I am coming to know this world. I see how all living things share this earth. No one owns the earth for the earth is the one that owns everything. The earth is the provider. I see that fly, buzzing around Jerry’s face. I sense Jerry’s desire to kill this fly; most humans feel the same.  But why not let it go free? Then its life is not wasted. It can go and be a part of the environment and maybe, somewhere along the road, it will provide nutrients for some animal. But humans do not think this way.  They do not respect the fact that all things are interconnected.  They kill a fly because they can. I have the ability to lure any human to their death, but I see that I can choose not to. I sit in their presence every day. I hear their hearts beating. I hear their thoughts. They all want the same things. They want material objects, security, money, sex, companionship; the list goes on. They are all egoistic. I can sense the few that are different. The awakened ones, the ones that are appreciative and wholehearted; these few, deserve the breath in their lungs. At first I was ignorant to the moralities of the human world. I fed my master the most beautiful specimen I could find. Not caring to read thoughts or feel emotions. But over the past years, I have learned much. I feed Avita only the scummiest of souls; the greedy, the murders, the extremists. I have seen countless people die; three hundred and sixty five souls a year to be exact. This may not seem like a lot when compared to the amount of people that are taken by cancer. More people die in car accidents than the amounts that are lost to Avita. The only difference is the one that makes Avita all the more evil. She wipes those souls clean from the universe. No more restoration, no more evolution. For them it is completely over.

As I emitted my lethal charisma, I could sense Jerry’s mind go numb. “Why don’t you come back to my place?”

Let me take you down 'cause I'm going to....

I was reading old messages between friends the other day and I find my initial unawareness interesting. Before I had awakened to the world and the illusions that it portrays, I was lost; just a lonely, confused, and sad little girl. Although this was the case, some of the things I said as that lost little girl were extremely conscious thoughts.  I remember depression like it was yesterday. Oh how my ego loved it. I remember how good it used to feel to cry; not because of anything that happened to me, but just because I felt sorry for myself. My ego bathed in the self-pity and indulged in the sorrowful tears I cried. I used to think that there was something wrong inside my head. I felt alienated from my thoughts just as I had kept myself alienated from my feelings. In one of the messages I sent to my friend, I had said “…things haven’t started getting better for me yet and the fucked up thing is that my unhappiness is mostly in my mind.”

The actual profundity in this statement was unknown to me. It invigorates me to know that even in my darkest hours, I had already begun to wake. I see now that my depression was, just as I had guessed, a derivative from my mind; my thoughts. I have learned now that emotions are by-products of our thoughts. The only two emotions that are real are Love and Fear.  I’ve always liked what Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you can't, either way you are right.” There is much to be learned from this statement. When it comes to the big picture, this statement means that we have more control over our lives than we think.  And it occurred to me… if our physical world can be affected by simple thoughts, who is to say that most sickness, is not a by-product of bad physical health, but a product of bad mental health. This may not be the case in many instances but think about it… For all we know, this reality is an illusion made by our minds and nothing is real.

F#CK

Sometimes, I feel that the world is all too much. I feel as though I lose myself more with every plunge I take into the paradox of my being. The truth is excruciating and in my relentless pattern of disregard and suppression, I have lost sight of my true emotions. The misery of revealing these mislaid feelings is almost too painful to bear. Every now and then I wish that I could be numb; ignorant to the war inside my head… but ignorance isn’t actually blissful. Now that I think of it, awareness isn’t all that divine either. So... when clarity brings further confusion, and my over-analytical mind is slowly losing grip of reality… where do I turn? Inward? I think I might just implode.

Mirror this...

You can look at your reflection in the mirror for as long as you like, but you will never see the truth. A mirror echoes nothing more than an illusion. Human beings are better reflectors of who you really are, underneath it all. 

FRUSTRATION...

frustration is a troubling thing, 

for it blocks the mind and soul.

It Carries only bad results

 while anger is its goal

and impatience is the key. 

depression will be the final toll

unless you set it free.

Sigh

You wear your heart on your sleeve and the chances of getting hurt are significantly higher. The sheltered heart is harder to reach, harder to hurt. It may not show signs of breaking but the pain from hitting those weak spots is unbearable. The sheltered heart breaks slow, heals slow, and the scars rarely fade.

Live & Die

There comes a time for everyone when death becomes a very tangible thing. Some people fear death, while others fear losing loved ones to death. There are those who bring death upon others and those who bring it upon themselves. Some don’t fear death at all. Whatever the case, death is unavoidable. Everything that lives dies. We must not fear death, and we should never take it into our own hands. We should never be the ones to choose who dies and when. Life is a marvelous gift. It is terribly sad when one should steal away someone else's life. What is the true tragedy is when a person destroys themselves.

But we've heard it all before, all these sayings that are meant to make death seem less... ominous. Is death really a transition into something else? Do we have souls? Or do we cease to exist once our heart stops beating? I think people worry too much about what happens after death. WHO CARES? Ok… stupid question. Obviously many people care… the whole heaven and hell thing scares a lot of the world into being ‘good people.’ Since when does doing good things for your own benefit make anyone a good person. What really makes a good person is sincerity. You know, doing ‘good’ things because you benefit from seeing others happy. Not because you are hoping it guarantees you a place in some rumoured “paradise in the sky.”

Back to my original question, ‘Who Cares?’ Whether you care for the wrong reasons or you just have a genuine wonderment about death, you needn’t think too much about it. We don’t know what happens after death for a reason. That reason is, IT DOESN’T MATTER. What matters is what you choose to do with your life. You can go to church every Sunday, pray everynight before you go to sleep, say grace before each meal, go door to door trying to ‘save’ people; you can thank someone else for all the good things that happen to you and give someone else the credit for the success you have, you can do whatever the hell you want. I just think that doing all this is a waste of fucking time. Basically, you are living your life trying to prove to some ‘higher power’ that you are worthy. 

I think that if there was a God up there, it would want you to explore the universe that it created for you. It would want you to learn all you can. Be in awe at the mystery and wonder of the universe around you. Connect with the collective that is humanity. Give help where it is needed. Share the bountiful wealth that the earth provides to every living organism. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Fall in love. Peruse your dreams. Explore the very boundaries of your existence. Live for today, for this moment. Don’t worry about what happens once your life ends… you can cross that bridge when you get to it. Wake up people! The world is a beautiful place, and we are all an interconnected part of the whole. Live your fucking life, and love every single moment of it.

Dont be afraid.

Spirituality has taught me that the mind is the maker of misery. We are not our thoughts & we are not our emotions; we are the unchanging observer. The walls that cage us in sadness and negativity are byproducts of fear. If we can destroy our fear, the only remaining limitation is our very own skin.